Independence & Interdependence | Geneva College
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Independence and Interdependence

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Parent Resources

As the semester came to a close, you might have noticed various changes in how your student related with you as a parent, or your family as a whole. Regardless of where your student finds themselves in their academic journey, you might observe your student shifting towards independence, especially this time of year, and becoming less reliant on you. These shifts can happen as a student becomes more comfortable in their environment, relationships, etc. You may experience uneasiness when your son or daughter becomes more distant, and you notice that they are calling home less often or coming home to visit with less regularity. While instinctually we can begin to feel nervous about these changes and what this means for them, it is important to consider the benefits of these changes in behavior.

While we may desire for students to be more interdependent individuals overall: relying on others, asking for help, etc., it is also important for our students to pursue and experience independence: accomplishing tasks on their own, problem-solving, etc. We often fear the imbalance of these two things. We worry that our students are too independent: they never ask for help, and isolate themselves from important resources, or we worry that our students are overly reliant on others: not thinking for themselves and lacking in responsibility.

It is important for us to keep these things in perspective.

Our students need to learn how to be independent for themselves and how to be interdependent on others at the same time. This does not always prove to be an easy task. Rest assured, you can help! They need the freedom and permission to learn how to balance these two things as it takes time and new experiences. Supporting them in their independence might be the first step in helping them to develop a healthy sense of interdependence on you and other relationships/resources in their life down the line.

So, what can you do to support your student? Here are a few things to think about and try out:

  • Ask your student what life has been like at school (routine, responsibilities, expectations, etc.) and what would be helpful to allow them to transition back home (on college breaks) in ways that are not stark changes to their independence.
  • Be aware that your student may feel more burdened by your thoughts, feelings, and expectations of them than you realize. Work to be supportive of your student, while knowing your own well-intentioned feelings can sometimes get in the way of their development.
  • Encourage your student to spend time in healthy spaces and healthy relationships: with people and in environments that help them move towards their goals.
  • Encourage them to ask for help from more than just you. Push them to rely on and talk to their professors, Student Development staff (their Residence Director, a Student Success or Calling and Career coach, a Counselor, or Campus Minister), and close friendships.
  • Pray for them as they figure out and pursue this balance. Tell them you are praying for them!

We know supporting and parenting your student in these things can be a challenge. We are on your team and here to support you in this lofty task, as we care for your student together!

 

-Kelsey Murphy, Director of Residence Life

Opinions expressed in the Geneva Blog are those of its contributors and do not necessarily represent the opinions or official position of the College. The Geneva Blog is a place for faculty and contributing writers to express points of view, academic insights, and contribute to national conversations to spark thought, conversation, and the pursuit of truth, in line with our philosophy as a Christian, liberal arts institution.

Dec 19, 2023

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